I accept myself as a female

#1
Around the eighth grade I discovered I like men and I watched sissy hypno porn over the course of several years and one time I even wore panties to middle school and my sexual attraction to men eventually led to me discovering I am not a male and that I am a female.

https://nsfwyoutube.com/watch?v=yXimSyOXItk

https://nsfwyoutube.com/watch?v=wkaMUYTgjUg

I might be an autosexual in regards to my "penis".

I am 22 years old as I am typing this and I have considered taking estrogen. This has heen going on since like the 8th grade when I went from no porn pretty much straight to sissy hypno and later on I discovered yaoi hentai manga pornography and the tags on the yaoi hentai manga pornography I have read have "yaoi" and or "feminization" and or "crossdressing" and or tomgirl as a tag and or as tags on the yaoi hentai manga pornography I have read. Also I have a thong on as I am typing this. I do not identify as

I refer to myself as a "girl" when I address my sex and I refer to my private part in the front of my body as a "vagina that is a part of my body." Sometimes I might swish my hips back and forth when I walk and I might have to make a conscious effort to not swish my hips back and forth when I walk. I would prefer to wear pretty girly clothes and girly makeup if I could wear pretty girly clothes and girly makeup. I have gotten jealous of pretty girls before and wanted to be them.

I eventually even got in to ballbusting porn and I have experianced gender dysphoria before. I have felt the facial hair on my face grow and I have considered getting lazer haor removal to remove the facial hair to not grow a moustache and to not grow a beard. One time when I was in the bathroom I leaned my head against the wall and grabbed my what you might call a penis and testicles and I said "I am not a man." I was in the shower and laying on the floor for around ten to twenty minutes too depressed to wash myself with water and soap. Eventually I showered with water and soap, I was getting ready to go to school.
 

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#2
Holy shit, so women get aroused from being feminine?
yes

The reason why it appears to be different is due to difference in hormones and socialization. After HRT trans females have a sexuality that is very similar to that of cis females.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00918369.2010.486241

https://digitalscholarship.unlv.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3350&context=thesesdissertations

https://www.juliaserano.com/av/Serano-CaseAgainstAutogynephilia.pdf

We also have the following case of a believer in the blanchard typology finding no difference between cis and trans females when it comes to female embodiment eroticism:

https://archive.is/v9MI9

https://archive.is/JiAVq
 

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#3
I might not be able to attract men and I might not pass as a female and I might get treated like a freak and my body might think I am attracted to girls sexually and my body might get messed up if I put estrogen in my body.
Which is why it's important that you start your transition now when you still can pass as a female.

You do not have to come out to anyone now, just start HRT to see how it makes you feel, then once passing as female is easier than passing as male you switch to presenting as female and then you should look just fine.

If you instead act like a retard delaying transition for no good reason you might end up as something like the following


This is a very real possibility given the severety of your dysphoria and your reluctance to do the rational thing (buying HRT online this week).
 

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#4
Caramel64 wrote:
Do you feel comfortable calling yourself a transgender woman?
Yes. It makes me more comfortable than calling myself a “cis man” and doesn’t give me much dysphoria.
Do you feel comfortable calling yourself a woman?
Yes. It makes me more comfortable than calling myself a “man” and doesn’t give me dysphoria.
Do you see yourself as a man after taking estrogen?
Not really, no. Ever since the first day of HRT, I have felt more and more like a woman. The woman in me is starting to show in the mirror. Whatever I do, I start to feel increasingly like a woman. And when I’m happy, I feel like a woman dancing under the sun in a never-ending field of pink roses. But this is a YMMV sort of thing.

However, there’s also another aspect. The biggest reason I considered transmaxxing is I wanted to set my soul and myself free from a toxic and abusive environment. For years and years, I endured physical, sexual, and emotional mistreatment and exploitation from people and society, on the basis that I was male. I truly felt oppressed, and to add to that, society seems to hold an axiom that women are universally more marginalised than men, a statement which I still find it hard to understand or justify given my personal experiences. With that said, after starting HRT, I also didn’t feel like a man or a woman, but a gender-neutral survivor of abuse who is now stronger and free, and who lives to fight another day and many, many days to come, not just for themself but for others.

Keep in mind that I am definitely NOT saying that transitioning is the only way out of an abusive environment, because the truth is there are so many ways out. But for my very specific case and for my own self, it was worth every effort to transition.
Do you refer to what someone might call your “penis” as a vagina?
No. I would like to get bottom surgery, and until then I don’t really care about what’s down there. When I do, I just call it a “clitoris.”
If you do not identify as a transgender woman or a woman, if you identify as something what do you identify as?
Not applicable, as I identify as a transgender woman. However, because I’m closeted in real life, I usually identify as a cisgender man.
Are these questions answered the same for the majority of transgender women?
I don’t know and frankly I don’t care. Every trans woman is different. For example, I read that some people didn’t feel like a woman until months after starting HRT, and obviously not everyone transitions to get away from abuse. I used to meticulously measure my worthiness of transitioning based on others’ experiences, and it got me nowhere closer towards actually transitioning, because I’m not other people and they are not me (different experiences and lives). So, I stopped that and started to think, “do I deserve better?” “can I tolerate the implications of being trans?” “am I more comfortable being a woman and do I want to be one?” etc. From over a year of questioning and denial, I answered “yes” to all my questions in seconds and immediately began transitioning. Your and other people’s self-assessment doesn’t have to be like mine; it all depends on what you want.
 

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#5
retardtrannycel wrote:
Do you feel comfortable calling yourself a transgender woman? Do you feel comfortable calling yourself a woman?
Nah. Even after 3 years of HRT, I can't pass, so I'd rather just call myself a guy and go around boymoding (presenting as a man). I don't like the fact that I can't pass, and would prefer to call myself a woman if possible, but doing so in my current state seems like an ironic insult. My mental state is also rock bottom at the moment and I'd rather not add the stress that trying to pass brings. Being called a woman > being called a man > being called a transgender woman.
Do you see yourself as a man after taking estrogen?
Yes. Estrogen was taken solely to alleviate dysphoria. I do not want to be called transgender in real life.
Do you refer to what someone people might call your "penis" as a vagina?
Nah. I'm not getting bottom surgery either, I hate looking at / touching myself enough already and I'd rather not have another medical complication to deal with.
If you do not identify as a transgender woman or a woman, if you identify as something what do you identify as?
I identify as a trainwreck and my pronouns are sui/cide.
Are these questions answered the same for the majority of transgender women?
No. Seems like most of them are just content calling themselves women when they look like a man, but I don't speak for them. From my observations most of them aren't as degenerate as me and will integrate into society just fine if they haven't already, appearances notwithstanding. They don't differ from regular women much at all.
 
#6
Are boobs annoying to have as a part of your body and are bras annoying to wear on your body?

Ancientalienaardvark wrote:

Not really. You get used to it slowly as they grow. Bras feel either nice like something giving you a hug or like nothing at all once you get used to them. Your breasts will be sore while they grow tho and that can be a little annoying. HRT makes your skin feel really soft which is nice I think.

zmyr88 wrote:

Yeah not as the glossy brochure said. I want my refund or store credit but I'm past 90 return.
So yeah they do and they weird at times.

Both other times nice lil stress balls to play with or squeeze. Idk they different and I sometimes regret greatly since only them happend literally nothing else .

Worse heavy beard and increased body hair. Tripled muscle possible like I thought I'd be a cute anime girl I'm more masculine then I started but have an a or b cup.

Idk if I'm happier but trannymaxing led me on a bit. No I would have had better luck staying male.

Idk maybe time going on I will detransition or maybe I will end up staying and love my new life.

Who knows but yeah they suck at times.

robynd100 wrote:

I've been wearing them about five years, starting with bralettes and going to bras after HRT did its thing. While they're not something I would care to wear the entire day they are not that uncomfortable and the key is getting the right measurements and fit.

I'm fairly busty, either 38D or DD depending on my weight. Having boobs is not annoying, rather they are nice to have to affirm femininity and give you curves for womens clothes. They also take an active role sexually too and that is really good. You do tend to bump into things and that can hurt and running or athletics requires a sports bra.

bDavid151 wrote:

You don't have to be worried about bras being uncomfortable if you are naked all the time. This is what we call a pro gamer move.

Valyushaa wrote:

They are pretty annoying sometimes, I wish I didn't have them when I have to run.

Ananiujitha wrote:

I have sensitive skin and an allergy to latex and spandex, so I avoid bras.
 

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#7
caturian said:
tbh a passing trans woman won’t experience most of the things that make life hard for natal women, like menses, endometriosis, pregnancy, being sexualized from a young age, etc. honestly not surprised by AMABs who think it’s inherently better to be a woman. it makes sense
I do not think most cis females would rather be infertile.

A lot of people (including me) really miss not being able to get pregnant, that's actually one of the reasons why i am not personally willing to transition.

I am of course aware that pregnancy and childbirth does come with difficulties, you having to deal with the medical system (or risk unnecessary death in home-birth).
 

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#8
I am 22 as I am typing this, when do you think starting Hormone Replacement Therapy is too late to pass as a woman?
Your hip bones will fuse at 25 or a little earlier so you do not have much time left.

You might need to pay 40000$ for FFS just to reverse the damage you got for waiting one year instead of starting now.
 
#9
One time in the 9th grade I told a male .I love you." That was the first time I ever told anyone "I love you." I heard him say "Sucking dick, sucking dick sucking dick." so later on in the day I told him "I love you."I did not even find him attractive, I just wanted to confess "I love you." to a male. He said "Oh really? Do you want me to sit next to you? And I said "No " A few males did put their arm on me in highschool, this one male in gym class put his arm on me and I said "Stop." and he put his arm on me AGAIN and I said "What's wrong with you?" And he lifted his hands up and stopped putting his arm on me. One time in gym class at the basketball court I let a male hold his arm on me though, I liked it.
 

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#10
Are you using A lot of people (including me) really miss not being able to get pregnant, that's actually one of the reasons why i am not personally willing to transition." as an excuse to not transition into a woman?
It's not the only reason, i am also 28 years old and 6'5. As you might be able to tell i am really not a fan of late transition, had you been just 4 years older i would have told you to repress until you die.

Trust me you do not want to end up in my situation.
 
#11
I know about drinking soy milk to digest estrogen will make you more feminine, but the estrogen from soy milk might not be enough estrogen to make you be very feminine, you might juet feel a little more feminine than how you felt before you drank soy milk to digest estrogen.

Catgirl_Skye wrote:

Soy milk does literally nothing, I'm fairly sure that one study suggesting it does was dairy-funded pseudoscience.
 

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#12
"waiting one year" I am still living with my mother and going to an adult school as I am typing this. Can you even call living with my mother and going to adult school "waiting to transition into a woman."?
Can you provide more information regarding this (you can send PMs if sensitive).

You do not have to tell her you are transitioning.
 

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#13
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