The following got posted and was deleted from reddit
Growing up my parents were rich but were always quite negletfull and distant.I was also a very shy and awkward boy as a kid so I didnt have many friends
What I did have was copious ammount of free time and computers/video games.So when I was 13-14 I started searching for friends online,first through games and eventualy in discord
To no surprise most regular gaming discord servers werent that accomodating or kind to an awkward kid like myself but I eventualy leaned that LGBT servers were much better.
I hadnt thought about my sexuality much at the time but for all imtesnt ans purposes I was an asexual cis boy.Regardless I felt safe and liked in those LGBTs servers amd I eventuapy settled on a server mostly populated by trans women
They were mostly in their mid 20s or early 30s but despite that I got along greatvwith them. For the first time in my life I felt as if people liked me.I video chatted with them and they complomented how cute and pretty I was and that felt amazing. No one had ever complimented my looks before.
They asked if I was trans and what I was doing in a trans server and I said I just liked being there and that most other guys in online and in real life didnt like me.They asked me if I disnt fit well with them and I said yes.
Them they started asking me if I wasnt actually trans.They painted such a great picture of being a trans women and since I was failling so hard at being a cis boy I started felling drawn into it
We kept chatting for months an eventualy I was convinced I was trans.They urged me to start hrt and puberty blockers ASAP otherwise Testosterone would "ruin me" and make me become gross and stop lookomg cute.
At hearing that I got desperate.I was afraid my new online friends and no one else would like me anymore if I turned into a gross man.
Yet I didnt relaly feel much gender dysphoria at all.I was neutral to my body,but I really liked when people complimented me.Amd since I was mostly being complimentrd on my female featuresI started associaring being male with being ugly
My trans friends told me I should talk to my parent and book a therapist.I told them I didnt know what to say at all.They told me not to worry that I just had to say I hated being a male an that I really wanted to be a woman.I was urged thag the important thing was to be very convincing to therapist
So i went ahead and talked to my parents.To my surprise they were mildly supportive and booked a therapist.After I told the therapist what I had been told to say, I was sent to an endo and put on hormone blockers at the age of 15.
When I told my online frinds they were overjoyed and congratulated me so much.I felt like I had really taken the right choice and my life was about to become infinitely better
I stayed on puberty blockers for a year and at 16 I started estrogen.My parents,who were so distant in the past now were quite present taking me to doctors an asking all the time about my well being.It was like transitioning made them pay more attention to me so I was really enhoying it too
I watched as all thr boys in my class got bigger and developed facial hair/body hair while I stayed small and developed breasts and it gave me a sense of despair.That was the first time I start doubting I was trans and that something was going wrong
But yet,I was afraid of telling anyone this.What if my parents hated me for "treicking" them? What if my online trans friends despised me for detransitioning and cut me out? What if all the positive attention I was getting from guys nowadays stopped and I went back to being a lonely ugly guy?
I had already invested so much time and money in my transitioning.The sunken cost fallacy plus my otjer fears stopped me from detransitioning.
I continued on hrt for the next 3 years and by now I passed flawlesly and everyone believed I was a pretty cis woman.I regurlary got a lot of validation and compliments from strangers online and in real life.Even dated a guy for a bit.
Yet I felt dead inside.Whenever I was with a guy I secretly wished I was him instead.The compliments and attention didnt bring me much joy anymore.But I was very afraid of turning back. Being a trans woman was all I ever knew and I was good at it
The stroke that finaly broke the camels back was when I saw the picture of a former school mate on instagram. He was also sort of a feminie and awkward boy in highschool just like me. But now he looked like a male model he was strong tall and handsome and everythig I wish I could be as a kid.Meanwhile I was stuck in a 5'6 weak women body with big breasts hanging on my chest.
I started crying like I had never before. Just skipped college classes and went straight home to cry and sleep
I feel like I ruinned my life. Detransitioning now will only make me look uncanny. I hate myself for being manipulated into hrt and I feel like I cant blame anyone but myself for this
Growing up my parents were rich but were always quite negletfull and distant.I was also a very shy and awkward boy as a kid so I didnt have many friends
What I did have was copious ammount of free time and computers/video games.So when I was 13-14 I started searching for friends online,first through games and eventualy in discord
To no surprise most regular gaming discord servers werent that accomodating or kind to an awkward kid like myself but I eventualy leaned that LGBT servers were much better.
I hadnt thought about my sexuality much at the time but for all imtesnt ans purposes I was an asexual cis boy.Regardless I felt safe and liked in those LGBTs servers amd I eventuapy settled on a server mostly populated by trans women
They were mostly in their mid 20s or early 30s but despite that I got along greatvwith them. For the first time in my life I felt as if people liked me.I video chatted with them and they complomented how cute and pretty I was and that felt amazing. No one had ever complimented my looks before.
They asked if I was trans and what I was doing in a trans server and I said I just liked being there and that most other guys in online and in real life didnt like me.They asked me if I disnt fit well with them and I said yes.
Them they started asking me if I wasnt actually trans.They painted such a great picture of being a trans women and since I was failling so hard at being a cis boy I started felling drawn into it
We kept chatting for months an eventualy I was convinced I was trans.They urged me to start hrt and puberty blockers ASAP otherwise Testosterone would "ruin me" and make me become gross and stop lookomg cute.
At hearing that I got desperate.I was afraid my new online friends and no one else would like me anymore if I turned into a gross man.
Yet I didnt relaly feel much gender dysphoria at all.I was neutral to my body,but I really liked when people complimented me.Amd since I was mostly being complimentrd on my female featuresI started associaring being male with being ugly
My trans friends told me I should talk to my parent and book a therapist.I told them I didnt know what to say at all.They told me not to worry that I just had to say I hated being a male an that I really wanted to be a woman.I was urged thag the important thing was to be very convincing to therapist
So i went ahead and talked to my parents.To my surprise they were mildly supportive and booked a therapist.After I told the therapist what I had been told to say, I was sent to an endo and put on hormone blockers at the age of 15.
When I told my online frinds they were overjoyed and congratulated me so much.I felt like I had really taken the right choice and my life was about to become infinitely better
I stayed on puberty blockers for a year and at 16 I started estrogen.My parents,who were so distant in the past now were quite present taking me to doctors an asking all the time about my well being.It was like transitioning made them pay more attention to me so I was really enhoying it too
I watched as all thr boys in my class got bigger and developed facial hair/body hair while I stayed small and developed breasts and it gave me a sense of despair.That was the first time I start doubting I was trans and that something was going wrong
But yet,I was afraid of telling anyone this.What if my parents hated me for "treicking" them? What if my online trans friends despised me for detransitioning and cut me out? What if all the positive attention I was getting from guys nowadays stopped and I went back to being a lonely ugly guy?
I had already invested so much time and money in my transitioning.The sunken cost fallacy plus my otjer fears stopped me from detransitioning.
I continued on hrt for the next 3 years and by now I passed flawlesly and everyone believed I was a pretty cis woman.I regurlary got a lot of validation and compliments from strangers online and in real life.Even dated a guy for a bit.
Yet I felt dead inside.Whenever I was with a guy I secretly wished I was him instead.The compliments and attention didnt bring me much joy anymore.But I was very afraid of turning back. Being a trans woman was all I ever knew and I was good at it
The stroke that finaly broke the camels back was when I saw the picture of a former school mate on instagram. He was also sort of a feminie and awkward boy in highschool just like me. But now he looked like a male model he was strong tall and handsome and everythig I wish I could be as a kid.Meanwhile I was stuck in a 5'6 weak women body with big breasts hanging on my chest.
I started crying like I had never before. Just skipped college classes and went straight home to cry and sleep
I feel like I ruinned my life. Detransitioning now will only make me look uncanny. I hate myself for being manipulated into hrt and I feel like I cant blame anyone but myself for this