Im just confused about life. Confused about Absolutly everything

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8
#1
I found out about this place from somewhere. idk I just looked up "transmaxxing" and i ended up in this weird place. Idk what the purpose of this forum is but since this IS the "trans" section and since i AM on hrt.....

I dont think its all that unreasonable for me to post here for the time being. I dont want to be in a place like this where nobody will ever see what i type. Id rather be on /lgbt/ but since im such a rabid attention whore im permanently banned from all boards except /b/. I try to post on b daily and I call it the jamie thread. Unsurprisingly i get made fun of A LOT in that shithole of a place. Oh well, who fucking cares anyway =p i certainly dont. Is there any fourms for edgy fucked up people who take hrt? (i refuse to call myself transgender. it just feels...wrong)

lets get to the real meat of this post. what's that? the meat? I wish I could tell you but I only have vague feelings in my soul. A sense that everything isnt right. I have absolutly no idea whats wrong with me. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't think so much about things but I do. The best way i can explain it is that its just confusing. I dont know shit about anything. Maybe social media caused this confusion. Maybe its my extreme isolation from society. Whatever it is i just cant shake this feeling of hopelessness and concern for my future and life. Its like its all in a thick fog

I recently turned 18 and I've been on hrt for like 7 months. i don't think i know why i started hrt. maybe I just feel for the memes. Am I gay? I really fucking hope not. I just dont know what the heck happened to me. why am I suddenly like this? I didnt take the time to think about any of this shit but now its hitting me so hard. Im just attracted to fucking femboys and troons and women. So then why the everliving fuck am I now masterbaiting to more masculine porn. Why am I self inserting as the femboy? why am i jerking off to this disgusting crap? =/

lately I've been trying to become a better more productive person. i have lots of free time ever since I dropped a lot of my classes and now I only have to do a financial literacy class and an English class to graduate. Also im an incel I guess. I just resent women and im a very hateful person you could say

here's what i look like btw. hopefully this gets some engagement. just tell me if you want me to keep posting or not and ill do what you say
WIN_20221107_00_30_50_Pro.jpg
 

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#2
lately I've been trying to become a better more productive person. i have lots of free time ever since I dropped a lot of my classes and now I only have to do a financial literacy class and an English class to graduate.
A general problem with higher education is the massive amount of time it will seep out of your life. You end up barely having time for your hobbies or actually making a living for yourself.

All that work just go get some certification so you maybe can get some job you don't really want in the first place. It just doesn't make sense when you think about it hard but the issue is that for a lot of people there just isn't a better alternative.

As for things not feeling right

of course things are not alright, we live in societies that are unstable and probably cannot last much longer in it's current form, there is a lot of uncertainty regarding the future with low probability of it ending well for humanity, most likely it's downhill from here.

 

Creamer

Well-known member
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#3
fetishes are caused by deficits in one's life, generally speaking

you also sound kind of lost , you know you need to set up an income, study a skill, get a place of your own, and a GF but
you probably don't know how.

there are too many people out there to compete with for very little resources.
 
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8
#4
A general problem with higher education is the massive amount of time it will seep out of your life. You end up barely having time for your hobbies or actually making a living for yourself
I feel this. it just makes me feel so wrong that ill be in the loop of spending 8 hours a day working or at school and then i spend 8 hours relaxing then retire when im like 60 (if im lucky that is) AND THEN i can have time for hobbies and enjoying myself. The whole system seems messed up. maybe humans were not meant to have free time

oh and about the collage thing. What do you think i should do for the rest of my life? i don't really think there is a job that will give me skills I can use in my free time or when im retired. its all boring shit that's a bit obscure. makes sense why these jobs pay well i suppose. Anyway a part of my existential confusion could be the fact that im young and i am very unstable in terms of my goals aspirations and schedule

you probably don't know how
Exactly =<
I dont know how and i have major option anxiety because there's a lot of things i COULD do. what i do know is occasionally ill be exposed to something very meaningful and life will feel alright. when you grow up online you find things that are really frickin amazing and i wanna emulate that same feeling in people too. the majority of art is SHIT. the majority of youtube videos are SHIT. and our time is limited unfortunately =/. im still clinging onto the idea that my soul can never die. i dont know what happens when im dead but im sure itll be super fun ^^

honestly? my ideal afterlife is just being on the internet for eternity with other people. wouldnt that afterlife be so so so so so so so great? i just love the internet what can i say. i really hope my soul can live on within the internet. i really hope i can shitpost and laugh and have fun for eternity

there are too many people out there to compete with for very little resources
actually i think dats oki. most people are fat and lazy. just look at the obesity statistics man. fat ugly fucking degenerates. how hard could it be to rise above the average person? in my mind its motivating to think that the harder i work the less people im competing against

most likely it's downhill from here
i think the opposite. =3 im hopeful

anyway i decided to learn Japanese. i hope i can become dedicated enough to learn it. today i didnt do anything and meh that sucks

I also decided to create an imaginary friend. A tulpa. i think life would be so amazing if i could have a friend in my head and stuff >~< that would be amazing to just relax and star at the ceiling and just talk to someone in my head
 

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#7
I feel this. it just makes me feel so wrong that ill be in the loop of spending 8 hours a day working or at school and then i spend 8 hours relaxing then retire when im like 60 (if im lucky that is) AND THEN i can have time for hobbies and enjoying myself. The whole system seems messed up. maybe humans were not meant to have free time
If you want to get a lot of free time now you could just become a neet for a while and live off welfare.

What you will notice then is that it doesn't actually make your life great. Sure you can play videogames all day but who wants to do that?

Generally the quality of life goes down as you get older. It's really hard to get decent data on this. Personally i would be fine with never retiring.

A big issue in current societies is that a lot of resources are going towards the elderly which are the least important members of society. It's when people are young that the benefit the most from having more money. If you are lucky you will inherit money early and this will help you a lot in life (unless you are a total moron).
 

Creamer

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690
#8
If you want to get a lot of free time now you could just become a neet for a while and live off welfare.

What you will notice then is that it doesn't actually make your life great. Sure you can play videogames all day but who wants to do that?

Generally the quality of life goes down as you get older. It's really hard to get decent data on this. Personally i would be fine with never retiring.

A big issue in current societies is that a lot of resources are going towards the elderly which are the least important members of society. It's when people are young that the benefit the most from having more money. If you are lucky you will inherit money early and this will help you a lot in life (unless you are a total moron).
I feel like my life was the worst on my teen years.
 
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