Hi, I saw the reddit post trying to get more trans women into the religion. I'm a 22 year old male who has always wanted to transition just always been to scared. I agree with a lot of what this religion says and would be interesting in joining. What all do I need to do?
If someone benefit from taking HRT you are actually helping that individual by convincing him (soon her) to actually start, the negative consequences that can come with not starting HRT in time can be very severe and last until you die (possibly from suicide).
Of course people have different views on when HRT is beneficial, there are some people who start it but are not great candidates for it and thus end up having to detransition or they simply kill themselves. You also need to be very careful when it comes to surgeries, especially SRS.
Avoiding social difficulties when transitioning
The focus of transitioning should be on changing your secondary sexual characteristics (hormones, surgery, etc.). You should regard it as a body modification similar to “body building”. This is the only sensible approach if you value your social life, integrity, and self-respect.
If you believe that there is an “innate gender” which is unrelated to biology or society then you will inevitably create social problems for yourself. People might understand that one might want to be (or look like) a woman, but almost everyone takes “born in the wrong body” as a joke, especially if you were not previously flamboyant. You might think that you are a girl trapped in a male body but this will be scientifically incorrect prior to HRT 1011 you having a feminine personality doesn't make you a girl 1012
If you do not look and are socially regarded as a woman, claiming that you are a woman in the inside and that people should respect your innate gender regardless of how you look is meaningless and futile. This at best makes people pity you and at worst makes them mock and bully you. The situation worsens if you dress in women’s clothing but still look like a man. This should be avoided first and foremost out of self-respect, and second out of respect for fellow trannies. You will also hurt yourself for thinking that people do not treat you the way you should be treated.
You do not have to come out in any way to your family or other people who know your real identity. Whether or not you should transition isn't something you should discuss with people who have not properly researched these topics, most people including your family will be utterly ignorant and thus they will not be able to give you any real help. If announce that you plan or think about transitioning people around you may push or outright coerce you into not doing so even though it would be beneficial for you.
Thus the solution is to start medication without telling anyone about it that knows your real identity, later if/when they start noticing changes you can tell them that you are transitioning. If you currently live in a transphobic environment you may want to relocate before socially transitioning. You may want to just leave everything behind to start a new better life if/when you can pass fully as a girl, being stealth allows you to escape transphobia and be treated just like another girl.
There is no proper recent study on the actual rate which trans individuals actually die from suicide, instead the self-reported suicide attempt rate is looked at, a suicide attempt isn't always serious and people may over-report
What does gender dysphoria even mean? how do you even know if someone has gender dysphoria?
What we can know to a large extent is how well someone is going to to Hormone replacement therapy, how well the individual is going to pass as a girl and even approximately how attractive she will become.
Jazz jenings had a very small penis partly due to blocking the puberty and this ultimately lead to her SRS failing and she had to go through 2 more surgeries to get a result she claims is good (probably isn't).
Delaying HRT is insanity
As you age testosterone will make you more masculine and it will become increasingly difficult to ever pass, especially as MTF, thus if you already think "maybe i should transition" as a male just do it now before it's too late. You dont really have time to figure out your identity or what causes your dysphoria (if you experience any) or whether or not transition is for you.
It will be easier to tell whether or not you really should transition medically once you have already felt the effects of estrogen, if you stop it quickly there will not be any issues and you will lose hardly anything. if you refrain from transitioning when you should have done so the cost will be very high.
One criticism against letting minors or kids transition is that most will grow out of it as they go through puberty, this does not however mean they wouldn't have benefitted from early transition (MtF) sperm can be banked before a child has gone through the full puberty. When you have gone through the full puberty transition will be a lot more difficult and thus a large portion of individuals who would have benefited from medical transition before will no longer do so when puberty is fully over.
13 year old children born males are absolutely capable of making these decisions with the support of adults, their issue is mostly impulsivity and lack of knowledge, not lack of intelligence.
many who transition realize the trans path did not really change their dating chance. true cis women aren' t really into "trannys" on top. the 30% is a way too high amout you mentioned.
also, my question is, how come many who transition DO report that once they transitioned, they realized all their problems did not really go away as they hoped. and they feel like outsiders on the dating market still, unless they re into males. the sausage fest is real and alot of males go for anything that has 2 legs.
Also, my question is, how come many who transition DO report that once they transitioned, they realized all their problems did not really go away as they hoped. and they feel like outsiders on the dating market still, unless they re into males. the sausage fest is real and alot of males go for anything that has 2 legs.
Where does the unwillingness to transition come from?
I have noticed that often when you ask why people are unwilling to transition they just give some excuse for not doing so that doesn't hold, they dont want to do it but they it's unclear why.
no you dont need to have bottom surgery
If you have regular sex after SRS you will no longer need to dilate.
sperm can be banked to preserve fertility
a lot of males will die childless anyway.
you can have sex with other trans girls.
Gender & identity
I think that for a lot of people their gender is an important factor in their identity and thus it feels wrong to just give up on all that even if being male isn't working for you.
Maybe you like the masculine aspects of your body and dont want to lose any of that. You simply get attached to your own body similar to how you get attached to other things that are with you for a very long time.
Limitations with medical transition options
You might feel like you wouldn't be happy with you would get out of a medical transition, this will depend heavily on age. Ideally you should be younger than 25 before starting HRT, even better if you start at 13 to 17.
We can just hope that options will improve over time, maybe in the future trans girls will be able to become pregnant
If you live in a transphobic environment it may feel wrong to transition because of that, it can also be internalized transphobia.
These factors can however be partly or fully overcome by delaying social transition until you can pass.
It's a scary decision to make, especially if you dont have proper information to base your decision on. It's can be difficult to predict what your outcome will be, how will people around you react if/when they find out? will you be able to pass?
Considering how many things that can go wrong worry is justified, you cannot blindly trust doctors these days.
Then you end up having to go for cis female chasers, it's a smaller pool so requirement in terms of physical attractiveness will be higher.
I think some trans girls are upset about not being validating by cis lesbians (natal females who dont have sex with men) but it's better to get over the rather pointless validation thing and instead just find a partner you like.
You can also be your own girlfriend if your AGP is strong.
“When I was an egg the envy got so bad that I started hating women just on principle ‘Like why should they be pretty and cute and I am stuck in hell!’. It caused me to troll women online and act like an MGTOW/Incel/Nice Guy/POS.” Source / Archive
“If I hadn’t of come out and transitioned I would have likely become the exact epitome of the kind of person that I hate the most right now. I was a straight white neckbeardy 'Why aren’t there straight/white pride parades’ misogynist douchebag. If I hadn’t of come out I’d likely have been the type of guy to bitch about being an incel and *shudders*” Source / Archive
“I’m a literal Ex-Nazi Trans Female so I can relate.” Source / Archive
“Solidarity comrade. Trust me, I used to be a Nazi even as I was discovering I was trans” Source / Archive
“I’ve seen a lot of people go from fascist mra to trans girl on their journeys” Source / Archive
“I wonder what percentage of incels are iron-shelled eggs” Source / Archive
“I wasn’t a brony. Back then, I was closer to just your run-of-the-mill incel.” Source / Archive
“A huge amount of the reason I was an incel was because I was a closeted trans girl.” Archive
“Me in high school. Also was pretty much a nazi. Hated the world. Etc. Now I am a very cheerful and loving trans girl uwu” Source / Archive
“Seems like anyone who went to 4chan either grows up to be trans or a white supremacist and there’s zero middle ground.” Source / Archive
“i was a fash-adjascent man in my early 20s. 5 years later i’m an anarcho-communist enby.” Source / Archive
“Big mood. 4 years ago I was an edgy, right-wing, anti-SJW teen who was borderline MGTOW. Now I’m a gay catgirl dating an anarchist transgirl.” Source / Archive
“I’m really obsessed with incels. So many of them are actually repressed trans women it’s impressive.” Source / Archive
“Oh hey same. I used to run in neckbeard 4chan incel circles. Now my name is Rebecca and I’m a girl. When did that happen?” Source / Archive
“Oh shit, I just realized I went through a Neo-Nazi phase.” Source / Archive
“I was more an incel-ish transphobe than anything. Looking back at my past kinda disgusts me, but now I’m good with myself. Honestly makes me wonder how many incels are in trans denial.” Source / Archive
“Honestly I think that most incels are transgenders in denial. I never came across a group of men who are so jealous and envious of women. All they ever do is talk about how women are lucky and fortunate. Also most have body dysphoria and hate how they look. If that isn’t an egg about to crack then I don’t know what is.” Source / Archive
“the pipeline from nazi to commie trans girl is real” Source / Archive
“I honestly don’t know how I escaped my Nazi phase. Anyone with half of a brain would’ve thought I was past the point of no return, but clearly I wasn’t since I escaped.” Source / Archive
“As the old saying goes: 30% of TERFs are closeted trans men and 30% of incels are closeted trans women.” Source / Archive
“went from browing /pol/ for 2 years then /lgbt/ for a while before just deciding to transition. Shits possible man, but personally I think I was just browsing to help repress any sort of AGP related feelings. I told myself I shouldn’t transition because I had to pass on my white genes lol!” Source / Archive
“tfw i went from right wing incel to communist catgirl in the matter of just about a year” Archive
The reality is the exact opposite of that, you gain more from transitioning if you get sexual excitement of being female.
The blanchard typology you are referring to is pseudoscience and it doesn't offer much in terms of clinical implications
Three studies compared the outcomes of homosexual transsexuals with non-homosexual transsexuals. Each of these reported that the majority of persons of each type benefited from sex reassignment, although both Blanchard and Smith reported that the few cases of regret that did occur all came from the non-homosexual group.
Not only did transitioning save my life, it got me out of inceldom
I'm so so so thankful I was blessed with gender dysphoria. When i was living as a man, I was basically hopeless. I had horrible anxiety, I was ugly, I had only one relationship under my belt that lasted 3 months, and we never even had sex, we only kissed before she dumped me.
I started transitioning 8 months ago taking hormones and getting laser hair removal. Since then, I've had 5 sexual encounters with 3 different women. Know why? because i'm a cute girl and not an ugly "man". They were all women who were out of my league when i was living as male, but women these days are super into me.
In short, gender dysphoria saved me. It gave me a life-or-death need to transition, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that being a girl made me more desirable to women
I lost my virginity only after I transitioned. In my late 20's.
The media is a lie. Women don't like men. The only men they are willing to sleep with are Chad. If you're not Chad you're destined to die alone.
However, if you can transition and make yourself look like a decent looking woman, then suddenly bisexual women will be attracted to the novelty that is a woman with a dick. And if you genuinely do feel like a woman on the inside it greatly enhances the experience. They are attracted to finally having found a male partner who has similar interests and as much emotional depth as they do. Cis men are socialized to be unemotional rocks with all sorts of silly masculine rituals that can be a turnoff for many women. It's nice for women to be able to have a partner with a penis who isn't obsessed with sports and drinking beer.
No idea why the incels want to keep sitting around whining about being a gross dude instead of taking some steps to improve their life like we did.
About being "incel"
The word "incel" is very problematic since a lot of self identified incels have very toxic views that would get them a quick ban here if expressed. We are still willing to help individuals who hold these problematic beliefs, it is possible that many of them would change their personalities for the better after correcting their hormones (higher E, lower T).
Incel is/was short for "involuntary celibate" but it's not clear when it's "involuntary" and what counts as "celebacy", what if you hire an escort?
The rational way to deal with these problem is to simply look at your last year
How much sex do you want?
How much sex did you actually get?
How was the quality of the sex you got?
How much did the sex cost you? (direct and indirect expenses).
You dont need to be a kissless virgin to benefit from medical transition, how functional your sexlife is as a male is just one of the factors to consider.
Dysfunctional sex life can have other origins that simply being unable to attract a partner you like for sex, some people find out that they cannot properly enjoy the sex when they are male.
Transmaxxing success story
Someone wrote and deleted:
I'm sorry if this is a thing nobody can reasonably give advice on or comes across as bragging. But I'm at a loss and don't where else to ask.
So I (31MtF) have been in my first-ever relationship with A (27F) for a couple of weeks now. I used to identify as an incel until a week ago or so - which was always primarily about having my negative self-image affirmed through others treating me in a hostile/derisive way, I never shared the problematic ideological views (prior to Covid I was reasonably active in queer and intersectional feminist contexts).
Things are going very well - we've known each other since November, so there is a sense of mutual trust and established familiarity, and I'm deeply in love with her - but she wants to have sex and I'm at a bit of a loss (désir is also very important to her philosophically). Now, the good news is that A says she'll wait for however long it may take me, "20,000 years if need be" (we were standing in front of a silly advertisement for bottled water, "Untouched Since the Ice Age") - but knowing that I am leaving her wanting and waiting doesn't feel great either, no matter how nice and understanding she is about it. We've now had two or three occasions where she would have been happy for me to spend the night.
A knows that I have no prior sexual experience (except for masturbation), have issues with my body image (both related to being trans and because I'm overweight) and am unsure whether I might be somewhat asexual. Also my self-worth is quite bad in general. My current therapist is someone I don't feel comfortable discussing sexual issues with and my first appointment with a new one, who hopefully will be a better match, is scheduled for July.
Now, I guess the obvious piece of advice would be "Just let her take the lead, ask her what she enjoys, ..." Well, she knows me a little too well to do that: she knows that this is a very sensitive topic for me where I'm still unsure of my own boundaries and wants, she knows that I'm generally awful at enforcing boundaries (above-mentioned therapist steamrolled some of them) and she knows that I have a tendency to forget about my own needs when I'm trying to be there for someone else. So yeah, I tried begging A "Just show me what you like" but she only smiles and shakes her head.
When we are cuddling and making out the way she leads is very careful, sometimes she will step things up a tiny bit (and delights in my reaction, she loves to see me flushed) but then she lets go again and will frequently feel my body to see if I'm relaxed or growing tense, telling me over and over not to be scared of her. What she really wants to see is more than just reciprocation, she's always waiting for some initiative on my part that I feel extremely uncertain about. She'll encourage me when I seem to be doing something right - e.g. placing her hand on my chest ("smells of self-regard"), kissing her neck in way that I'm not quite sure how it differs from the hundred kisses I've given her before but I guess it must have felt a tiny bit more selfish to her ("that's the right idea") - but I just feel lost.
I wish it was like "... and then instinct takes over" but all instinct wants me to do is to cuddle and be close; like, I am aroused, flushed and intoxicated with her smell, but I still just want to feel her body against mine and enjoy the mental calm. Worst is when she simply closes her eyes and lies back, head slightly arched back to expose her neck, and expects me to escalate in some way - if I then just kiss her like before or cuddle up closer to her, she'll tell me I'm sweet but with a voice that for all love also betrays a hint of disappointment. If I can't see her eyes, if I'm not reciprocating to some impulse from her, I feel so lost.