So, I just turned 18 and I've been more seriously considering transitioning, for a few reasons:
- I am 5'3 and not growing any more, 120 lbs with a little muscle but not a lot, obviously not the optimal male build. My dick is roughly 4.5". On top of this, i only leak a small amount of clear fluid (basically precum) when I orgasm (apparantly this happens to people on hrt but I've never been able to cum normally). I don't know whether or not this makes me infertile, but I am probably incapable of having normal male orgasms and sex.
- I get anxious talking to girls and they show no interest in me, I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date with a girl. I'm also a virgin and have never kissed a girl. I asked a few out and got rejected when I was younger but since lockdown I haven't tried. I want to be able to have a fulfilling romantic and sex life and it really feels impossible to do get this as I am right now
- I am definitely attracted to women and starting to think I might be attracted to men as well. I am kind of desperate for sexual and romantic contact to the point where I would be willing to date men even though I'm not really sure whether or not I am actually into guys. I don't like the idea of being in a gay relationship, though.
- I compulsively crossdressed as a young kid and started again like 4 months ago. I guess this kinda awakened something in me and i started researching trans stuff, hormones, etc. I don't have dysphoria and I never considered transition before a few months ago
- I am increasingly depressed because of the stuff i mentioned and other things, I recently became addicted to nicotine and I feel myself slipping into lazy and NEET behavior. My sister committed suicide recently and a close friend did as well, I have had suicidal thoughts and would like to avoid killing myself. I don't like living like this. It seems like some people see transitioning as a solution and I feel like I am probably a good candidate and the I have the will to do it at least right now